The last couple of weeks have been good but tiring. Last week I had a UTI and this week I am struggling with a cold. I admit that part of me was wishing I could just take a day off and sleep like the good old days. Instead I had to get up and take care of little man. I tried to lay down while he played but he wanted me to play with him. The days I was feeling the worst he didn’t nap as well as he usually does. He seemed to roll around more when I was changing his diaper. My attitude admittedly was not the best and little things were getting on my nerves. Then Dan came down with the same cold and he couldn’t take a day off either because he has a lot of work to do. While I could just roll out of bed and keep little man in his pajamas all day, Dan had to get up and look presentable. He had to speak and participate in adult conversation, act like he felt good to keep his teams motivated. He was out in reality while I was at home with a 10 month old who has all the grace in the world for me. Alex smiles and loves me even when I lose my patience. It makes it hard sometimes because I put a lot of internal pressure on myself – like if I only I could be like so and so, I should cook more meals, I should be better at grocery planning, etc. Dan doesn’t put that pressure on me, but I tend to be hard on myself. I want to be the best mom, friend, and wife I can be. The truth I cannot be good at any of it if I do things in my own strength. The last few posts I have posted about homemade baby food and some of my creative endeavors but I realize that I have a lot more time than most people. I get the privilege of staying home and only have one child to take care of. With that said my heart in the matter is to communicate that I struggle just as anyone does. I am desperate for God to help me daily. Life can be tiring sometimes.
This is where Christ comes in. I have been praying more throughout my day because I have to. My attitude like I said is not always the best and I can get very impatient. I see the ugliness of my flesh and it is not appealing at all. A couple of verses that have been speaking to me lately are listed below:
Romans 5:8
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”
The truth of the matter is that our flesh is always waging war against our spirit. (Romans 7:15) We will never be the women that God wants us to be if we dwell in the “what if’s”…and the “I should be’s”….we are not perfect in our own strength (Phil. 4:13). We can approach Him at any time (Heb. 4:16). He looks at us as friends (John 15:15). He see’s all that He has created us to be (Eph. 2: 8-10). He wants the best for us (Jer. 29:11). He delights in us. So my goal for today is to anticipate my struggles, meditate on His word and cry out for Him when I need help. As Easter is fast approaching I am so thankful that I am in His care. That He died and rose again so that I could spend eternity with God. My sin no longer separates me from His love (Romans 8:39). That I will see my savior face to face one day!! Thank you Jesus for the sacrifice you made for me even when I didn’t deserve it!! May God strengthen you today and give you peace!!
Emma visiting Alex in his stroller!
So Happy!!
Playing...
Dan made Indian Cuisine for Dinner! I would much rather have that than ham any day!! It was so great to see Dan's mom! It is always a much needed rest when we go to Gunnison. The drive is long but breathtaking. I was just telling Dan how easy it is to take the mountains for granted! They are beautiful!!
One of my goals for 2009 was to invest in my creative side. As many of you might know I have a million art supplies. Dan is really into hobbies and is always trying to get me to join in. You could just imagine his delight when he came home from work on Friday to see my new paintings. He was thrilled. This year I have kept up on Alex's baby book and scrapbook which has been great. I have also finally used my sewing machine that my mom got me Christmas of 2007. Dan and I had a running joke that I wouldn't use the sewing machine within the first year of owning it. Of course I couldn't let that happen so I did finally make some baby blankets and burp cloths for a couple of friends in October of 2008 (I had to - my deadline was fast approaching). Recently my good friend who is very creative taught me how to make pillow slip covers. Since she taught me a couple of weeks ago, I have made four pillows covers and have plans to make many more.
My other recent project has been trying my hand at painting. Dan got me a painting set for my birthday probably 2 years ago and I was too scared to really bust it out and give it a real effort. Just a few weeks ago I got an itch to create some art for our family room. I had a few attempts that I was not proud of but recently I created four pieces that I am proud to hang over our fireplace. Who knew a few acrylic paints and some canvas could give me such enjoyment. The key was just having fun and letting go. I had to realize that if I didn't like what I created I could just paint over it or start over. I have a feeling we will have more of my new art displayed and many new pillow covers in the near future. I would encourage anyone who is afraid of letting out their creative side to give it a try, you might find you really enjoy it!!!